To the new boyfriend - Rudy Francisco

To the new boyfriend

A poem by Rudy Francisco

"To the random dude who started dating my ex-girlfriend two days after we broke up,

yes, i saw that shit on facebook.

Now when i realized that you were in a relationship with a girl that i thought i’d someday spend the rest of my life with,

I walked outside, i said to myself “there’s no way Ashton Kutcher’s gunna catch me off guard,"

I waited forty-five minutes.

& then i realized, that there hasn't been a new episode of Punk'd in damn near four years..

So i guess i’m the only practical Joke in this entire situation.

One, The first time i saw you & her in a picture,

I wanted to take my entire arm, shove it inside of the computer, & snatch the happiness right off of your face.

Two, If i ever see you in the street…

I’m probably going to punch you in the throat.

Three, I apologize in advance.

& I know that it makes no sense to have this much anger toward a man that I've never actually met face to face,

But my definition of Love, is being robbed in an alley eight times in a row

& hoping there’s something about today that makes all of this different.

There is nothing logical, about cutting off the most important parts of yourself

& then putting them inside of hands

that Shake,

that Tremble,

that Crack like a hayashen sidewalk.

Four, There is nothing rational about love.

Your love stutters when it gets nervous,

Your love trips over its own shoelaces,

Love, is clumsy & my heart refuses to wear a helmet.

Five, cupid is fucking irresponsible,

& i’m tired of him using me for target practice.

Six, I was told that time would heal all wounds.

But what exactly do you do on days when it feels like the hands on your clock have arthritis.

Seven, She always wore her heart on her sleeves,

So tell me why the hell do you look so familiar.

Eight, I think i’ve seen you somewhere in her smile,

Like i’ve heard your voice in her laughter,

Like i’ve smelled your cologne on her thighs,

I bet if we dusted her heart for fingerprints we would only find yours..

Nine, I have this envelope, it’s full of all the butterflies that i felt the first time she relaxed the Velcro on her lips & smiled in my direction,

I think most of them are still alive,

I guess these belong to you too.. "