Demand happiness

“To love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.”

― Ellen Bass

Very often we go through things which completely turn our lives upside down. How do you deal with this? How do you become happy again when everything that ever made you happy is taken away? How do you pick your head up, smile and face this life which expects so much from us when you can barely talk to people without breaking down?

Over the past few weeks I’ve been talking to a friend who suffered a hectic break up. I spoke to her a few days ago and during the conversation she implied that the only way that she would be able to get over this amazing guy, who made her feel amazing things, would be if she finds another guy who would allow her to supress these feelings that she has for her wonderwall.

I battled with this as I tried to reason with myself as to why anyone would feel that it’s okay to use someone else as a rebound. I mean, if you go from relationship to relationship, eventually you’re bound to forget what it’s like to be alone, and when you forget what it’s like to be alone, I doubt that you'll ever be happy by yourself.

What is it about the male population that makes girls swoon at their feet? That makes girls feel as though it’s okay to compromise everything that they've ever believed in? I mean, I’m sure every girl dreams of being independent one day, so why then would you compromise your independence by saying that the only way that you could get over someone is by finding someone else?

Speaking from experience I know that moving on from heartbreak is really difficult, but what I do know is that moving from guy to guy is not the solution, I know that you deserve to be happy without needing a guy to make you feel that way, and I know that if you could be okay before a guy came around, then you can be okay after he leaves.

Over the last few months I’ve realized that the only way to get over something is to accept that it’s gone, and once you’ve accepted that it’s gone only then can you move on. People often tell you that everything happens for a reason. These words have become so generic and cliché and are often disregarded when we hear them. But if you think about these words (I mean really think about them) there is so much truth in them. But as The Script lyrics go, “they say bad things happen for a reason, but no wise words are going to stop the bleeding”.

I know that moving on is never easy and will never be easy. I know that there’s no set method to get over hurt or heartbreak or misfortune, but what I do know is that once you’ve accepted what has happened, you are one step closer to getting over it.

I’ve recently discovered that we all have the ability to alter our own circumstances, at one stage I was really sad because of something that had happened and I reached the conclusion that the only reason that I was sad was because I allowed myself to be sad, and it was up to me to rid of that feeling. You are the only one that should have the ability to alter how you feel, not a guy, not a material possession, YOU.

In a relationship there’s always one person that loves more, and obviously the one that loves the most hurts the most. I just feel like when someone goes through a break up, neither one of the parties deserve to be happier than the other. So why should you let life pass you by while the other person’s having the time of their life? That’s not right.

If the other person has happiness, then you deserve it too, so demand it.

So take the first step to moving on, accept was has happened, change your circumstances and tell yourself that if you want to be happy then you WILL be happy.

As mentioned above, demand happiness, take life in your hands and say : “I will take you, and I will love you again"