Scattered souls.

“When two souls fall in love there is nothing else but the yearning to be close to the other. The presence that is felt through a hand held, a voice heard, or a smile seen.

Souls do not have calendars or clocks, nor do they understand the notion of time or distance. They only know it feels right to be with one another.

This is the reason why you miss someone so much when they are not there- even if they are only in the very next room. Your soul only feels their absence – it doesn’t realize the separation is temporary”

-Lang Leav

Have you ever missed someone so much that you literally feel like you’re missing a piece of yourself? I know this may sound super cheesy but your body, your heart and your inner being literally aches for the person. You try your utmost best to block out these thoughts, to go on with your life because you know that missing them is futile, but these thoughts that you try so hard to avoid won’t seem to go away.

You miss the small things. Being asked how your day was because someone actually cared enough to wonder. The good morning messages, because for once someone woke up with you on their mind. Holding hands which served as evidence that you were compatible, that you fitted together perfectly, and hearing the words “I love you” because it made you realize that no matter how broken you might’ve been, you were still loved.

Do you ever get mad at yourself for missing someone? For the simple reason that they do not deserve to be missed by you. They don’t deserve a place in your heart, nor do they deserve a place in your thoughts yet they seem to have taken up permanent residence against your will. You’d do anything to have them leave; you try and occupy yourself with other things hoping to take your mind off the memories, the yearning. You speak to other people, “It’s no big deal, I’m over it” you assure them, only to realize that it’s yourself you’re trying to convince and not them.

One lyric, one action, one song has the ability to allow all of these memories that we try so hard to block out, so hard to forget, to come flooding through with no restrain.  You think about the time when you thought you’d be with someone forever, those times when they deserved your love and they gave you reason to believe that you’d never have to feel the yearning that you feel now because they’d always be there.

I was watching this series called The Fixer this afternoon and one of the characters made the statement  “Love shouldn’t hurt” that makes sense right? Love should make you happy and satisfy the feelings that you’ve longed for, why then, does missing someone, craving for someone that is not there, hurt so much?

I have this one friend who is with this guy who treats her like complete shit. In the beginning I never understood why anyone would stay with someone who does that, why you would feel safe with a guy who proved to you time and time again that he wasn’t a guy that you could feel safe with. Someone who made it clear that you weren’t a priority.

But when reflecting on this and taking into consideration everything that I’ve been through in the guy department over the past year I feel like I now harbour an attitude of understanding. I understand that when you are with someone who seems perfect for you, it’s hard to imagine ever leaving them because you’ve convinced yourself that you won’t find someone who possesses the same qualities. I can understand these feelings, these thoughts and why girls feel this way because I used to feel this way too, but life has showed me time and time again that I was mistaken.

I really wish we didn’t have the ability to miss because then I wouldn’t feel as I feel now, I do know however that these times pass and eventually I’ll come to realize that I’m okay by myself because all those times that I missed you, all those times that I craved for you and you weren’t there, gave me the strength to carry on and survive without you.

So to my wonderwall, I wish you never went and made things so complicated, but thank you for giving me the chance to find myself again and to realize that I can be okay without you.